Wednesday, December 17, 2008

The illustrious December commencement

Sooooo, Kate's undergrad career is finally coming to a close this Saturday. That's right, she's one of those people who just can't quite find the gumption to complete the full victory lap. Despite the stigma attached to December commencement, she's excited for it. Now I'm not here to judge (well yeah...actually that's what bloggin' is all about), but I can think of at least a few things that would be better than attending her commencement. Plus, Kate always be judgin', so I'm going to give her a taste of her own medicine. Well, now I feel bad because this is a milestone in her life. So how about I finish this whole thing off with some of her best memories of college as interpreted and depicted by yours truly. Enjoy.

When I think of spring commencement at IU, a few sights and sounds come to mind--flowers blooming, birds chirping, temperatures rising, and the indescribable absence of Ugg boots. So what about December commencement? Does it carry the same mystique and charm? Far from it. Let's see here...what comes to mind. Answer: pretty much the polar opposite. Picture a beautiful pastoral landscape in the spring...just teaming with life. Can you envision that? Now think about that same image, but think about what it would look like as a negative to a photograph. Creepy, right? The sky is gray, the clouds are even darker. Everything carries the same shape and form, but something is wrong--very wrong. Well, that's what winter in Btown is like. Gray and grayer.

So what makes this setting even worse? Answer: Sitting anonymously in a sparse crowd of winter graduates while a second rate speaker attempts to pigeon-hole your future. Now, if I remember correctly, some NPR personality served as the speaker for my commencement ceremony. (However, I can't verify that information because I, myself, did not attend my own SPRING commencement.) Thus, I find reason to believe that this winter's speaker will be none other than a radio personality from North Central High School's radio station. Sure, the speaker may not yet have attended or, for that matter, graduated from university, but surely his/her tenure at the secondary-school radio station will prove a suitable match to the future ambitions of the class of 2008. Perhaps, the graduates will have the great privilege of getting some knowledge dropped on them. Whoever it may be, I'm on pins and needles with anxious anticipation.

Hmmm, this brings me to the point...what would I rather be doing? Given the weather, it would have to be something indoors. Considering the alternative (i.e., attending the commencement ceremony), making sludge angels on the black goop covered floors of Kilroy's doesn't sound half bad. Actually if the temps do climb into the 50's on Friday, joining the children-of-the-hills in some PCB-infested moss-slidin' down Cascades Creek may become a distinct possibility...but alas, the forecasted temperature drop for Saturday may thwart my plans. Whatever alternative I choose, it looks like it's going to be a game time decision. Then again, actually attending commencement requires that I set foot in Assembly Hall for the very first time. I suppose there is some nostalgic value in that decision. Okay fine. I'll go.

I'll leave you with Kate's top ten memories of college as interpreted by me.
  1. Realizing that her digestive system works much more effectively sans dairy.
  2. Coming to terms with the fact that trapped gas is her burden to carry.
  3. Finally arriving at one of life's most poignant questions: Which do I like better--cookies, cake or ice cream?
  4. The moment she understood alcohol's effect on her heart burn.
  5. Coming to the realization that "[she] breaks shit."
  6. Every time she stopped at a window posting of Human Society adoptable animals.
  7. Walking by herself at night through the alley-way between College and Walnut on 6th St.
  8. Not going to Chapter...ever...during the first two-thirds of her Senior "year-and-a-half".
  9. Jiffy Treat and Chocolate Mousse...'nuff said.
  10. Interpretive dancing to music.
Congratulations, Kate!

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